Don't Vote For Pedro
by ZeldaFanMan7
Summary: A story about Pedro's new presidency. Will he be a fair ruler, or an oppressive dictator? If you read this story, all your wildest dreams will come true. Oneshot. *WARNING!* This story is sure to knock you down a few IQ points.


Life was not good in Preston, Idaho.

Ever since Pedro Sanchez had been elected Class President of Preston High school, Napoleon Dynamite had not seen him once after he'd disappeared into his new office. Since then, Preston High school was turned into a dictatorship. Pedro's harsh laws were enforced in the hallways by employed bullies like Don and Randy, and nobody was safe from his reign of terror.

Napoleon Dynamite slowly walked through the quiet hallway. As he passed by a doorway, a bully with arms folded over his chest glared at him.

"Hey," said Napoleon.

"What do you want?" the bully demanded.

"I need to get in that room." said Napoleon.

"Yeah, well, you can't. I'm guarding this room."

Napoleon gave a long sigh. "Well, can you just let me in for a sec?"

"No."

Napoleon looked at him for a second, then kicked him in the stomach.

"Oof!" the guy grunted. He fell to the floor, and Napoleon ran into the room, leaning forward, arms at his side. He came into the math room, where several kids sat at their desks as the teacher taught them math.

"Deb." Said Napoleon. "We need to go."

The girl in the back looked up.

"What?"  
"We're going to escape."

Deb stood up and walked to him.

"We can't." she said. "They'll stop us."

"No." said Napoleon. "I will protect you with my ninja skills."

Deb smiled.

"I'm pretty good with a bowstaff." Napoleon said.

Napoleon and Deb ran through the hallway, watching for the bully enforcers. They reached the school's main lobby with no problems.

"Wait here," Napoleon told Deb. Then he ran over to the front desk.

"Can I use you guys' phone for a sec?"

"Is something wrong?" the secretary asked.

"I don't feel very good," Napoleon said. "Also, the high school has been taken over by an oppressive dictatorship, and it's up to me and my woman to save everybody."

The secretary thought about this reasoning for a moment, then pushed the phone across the desk to him.

Napoleon quickly dialed the first number he thought of: Kip's.

"Hi!" Kip answered.

"Hey, can you come get me?" Napoleon asked.

Kip sighed. "I'm really busy right now…"

At the moment, Kip was eating string cheese by the handful while crafting a poem for Lafawnduh.

Napoleon hung up and dialed another number.

Uncle Rico was throwing footballs out in the field when his cell phone rang. He leaned inside his van and grabbed it.

"Yo," he said.

"Uncle Rico, I need you to come and get me really quick," Napoleon said.

"Napoleon, I've got a sale to finalize in half an hour," Rico said in exasperation, eyeing a set of titanium kitchenware in the back of his van.

"Please?" Napoleon asked.

Rico sighed. "Be at the front, I'll get you in ten minutes."

Deb and Napoleon stood on the front steps of the school. Napoleon was drawing mythical creatures while Deb watched for bullies. Finally, Rico's orange van pulled up.

"That's my ride," Napoleon said. He and Deb started for the van when suddenly Don burst out of the doors and chased after them.

"Run!" Napoleon shouted. They hurried and jumped into the van.

"Go for it," Napoleon told Rico, and the van peeled out of the parking lot. Don ran after them, keeping pace with the vehicle. Napoleon grabbed an orange and threw it at him, sending him tumbling to the ground.

"Sweet," said Napoleon.

Napoleon and Deb were sitting on the couch with Kip, planning what to do.

"We need to defend ourselves," Deb said.  
"You're mom needs to defend herself," Kip said.

Napoleon slapped him.

"Ow! Jeez!" Kip whined.

"Kip, this is serious!" said Napoleon. "We need to learn some sweet skills so we can fight the bullies."

Kip thought for a minute. "I know just what to do," he said. "But you'll have to pull me into town."

A short bike/roller skate ride later, Napoleon and Kip ended up at Rex-Kwan-Do. "He can teach us to have the strength of a grizzly," Kip noted.

But when they walked to the front door, they saw that the dojo was closed. There was a sign there that read, "Ha ha. I have captured Rex. –Pedro."

"Well, that's a rip-off," Kip said.

"Wait, there's another sign here," said Napoleon.

It said, "I have also captured Deb. If you don't return to the school in ten minutes, I will feed her to the ligers. Ha ha. –Pedro."

"Gosh!" shouted Napoleon. "We'll never make it in ten minutes!"

Suddenly, a fourwheeler roared down the road and stopped beside them.

"Hop on, boys!" Napoleon's grandma shouted. "Let's go save your girlfriend!"

After racing to the school at breakneck speed, Napoleon and Kip stood in front of the school. Napoleon ran inside and into Pedro's office. Pedro was sitting at his desk.

"Oh, hello, Napoleon!" he said cheerfully.

"I've come to put your reign of terror to an end!" Napoleon told him.

Pedro frowned. "What are you talking about?"

Suddenly, Rex burst in.

"Hahaha!" He laughed evilly. "I was the one who was controlling the school the entire time! Peter Pan here was doing none of it!"

"What?!" Napoleon shouted. "Where is Deb?"

"You're too late," Rex laughed, then ran off.

Deb was standing at the edge of the pit of ligers.

"Jump in!" Rex shouted at her.

"No!"

Suddenly, Napoleon charged into view, riding Tina the llama and wielding the nunchucks he'd grabbed from his locker. Napoleon hit Rex in the back of the head with his nunchucks.

"Nooo!" Rex shouted, and fell unconscious.

"You saved the day, Napoleon!" Deb told him.

Napoleon held out a fish. "I caught you a delicious bass," he said.


End file.
